Of surgery and holidays

Holy shit.  What a holiday season.  Full of the unexpected.  Number one was an unexpected surgery.  Nothing saying happy holidays like having your abdomen cut open!  But I survived.  It did throw everything for a loop though, as I wasn't able to do much of anything for the entire month of December.  And really for some of January as I haven't been cleared by the doctor to do much of anything. 

But it's not been all sitting on my ass doing nothing.  Amazingly I still have a baby to take care of!  And it is really hard when you can't lift her. 

But we are back now, and better than ever! 

Now if I could only figure out what to write about...

Writing for children

I have a new endeavor!  Writing books for children.  All ages, but recently it's been kids under 5.  Why?  Because of I have noticed a lack of diversity.  And that has bothered me enough to want to do something.  So I am.

But writing children's books is extremely different from anything I have done.  And it's a little intimidating.  

Very intimidating.

But also very fun!  Currently I am working on dinosaur books and best buddy adventure books.  It has been so much fun.  It is also something I can do to leave to my kiddos. 

Other than a little writing, life has been moving forward.  Things are changing and it's terrifying, but life cannot stay stagnant.  Life has to move forward and it has to change and it will all be okay.  

Not much of an update, but baby decided now was the perfect time to wake up. 

What new adventures are you taking on?

Until Next Time!

Sleep is a beautiful thing

Baby girl is making life interesting around here.  In the last few days she has slept maybe 30 minutes at a time and no more than 2 times in a row.  So sleep has been fleeting.  Sleep has been a highly sought after commodity.  So much so that I find myself actually taking napes when I can, and that is unlike me in ever way.  Naps give me headaches.  But not sleeping gives me a bigger headache.

The Pope visited America.  Did you hear about it?  The reality is I've heard nothing but it for the whole time he was here.  I just want to point out to everyone who keeps saying "he's better, he's better than the last guy"... no he's not.  He is still anti LGBT and anti choice.  He very much believes that idiots like Kim Davis are doing God's work.  He believes that the government should not have to do it's job if it goes against their personal beliefs.  And that annoys me so much that it will get it's own post.  Anyway, I am sick of hearing about the Pope.

Speaking of Kim Davis... she's an awful person who needs to do her job.  (There, I made the obligatory gay mention of her.)

Family life is moving along swimmingly.  We still get weird looks and lots of people asking insanely personal questions about the ethnicity of our girl, but it's just what happens here.  We get more dirty looks than not when people realize we are together with a kid, but at least they've stopped saying things.

Breakdown of fun things happening around here:

• My partner has applied for a job he really wants, in another country, doing something he believes in.  I'm okay with that. 
• I have come to love babywearing.  What a weird thing to say, but I own a couple carriers now and I love them and love putting her in them.  It's like an obsession now, to try everything.  
• Our dogs are slowly coming to love baby girl.  They still aren't thrilled they aren't allowed to play with her, but unless she is crying they are cool being in the same room.  
• Baby girl is 100% holding her head up.  She is behind her actual age, but rocking out her adjusted age, so we celebrating that victory.

Until Next Time!

Where do we go from here?

So I really wanted to keep this from being a parenting blog.  I started 4 or 5 different posts and then realized they were all about my kid, or raising my kid, or being gay while raising a kid... and I fought against those posts.  I deleted them and told myself I would come back when my mind was free and clear of having a child!  I would come back and write about anything other than being a parent.  I fought against making any posts about parenting, thus I didn't write any posts, for fear they would turn into parenting posts.

Then I realized this was crazy and I need to get over it.

I want to write.  I want to write this blog and be all over the spectrum of topics like I used to be.  I want to make sure I can continue writing about being gay and gay issues, but also my own writing and everything!  But I realized in all my deleting and rewriting and just not writing that I had changed.  Yes, I am still a writer.  Yes, I am still an out and proud gay man.  But I am also a parent.

And parenting, especially right now, is connected to everything I do.

So while this blog isn't a parenting blog, I am a parent who writes this blog and there will probably be some bleed in of my daily life with baby.  And that's okay.  It's my blog.

Anyway, I just wanted to put this out.  As to why I've not written in a while and really as a warning.  If parenting blogs or bloggers talking about their family/kids bothers you, perhaps it's time you move on.

Until Next Time.

Raising an activist kid

What do you aspire your child to be?  Us?  A happy, well adjusted person.  But while we are raising her, we have something to prove.  

We get a lot of shit about raising a child to be an activist.  Or raising a child without her mother and making her a guinea pig.  Everywhere we go, people want to know how we will raise her like  her mother would raise her.  How can we possibly be enough for her.  The poor darling.

Every day we have to fight to have people recognize that our child is being raised in a wonderful household.  No, she doesn't have a woman living in our house, but that doesn't mean she doesn't have a woman close by who can teach her the secret language of women everywhere.  The family is changing, and children are benefiting from it everywhere.

Along with raising a well adjusted little person, we also hope to raise an activist.  We are not as vocal about activism as we could be, but we hope to raise a child who stands up for what they believe in and fight for what they know to be right.  We are responsible for the future, and that future looks bright.  

So yes, we are raising an activist child.  We are raising our child to fight for what she believes in.  She may be a baby right now, but we are hopefully laying ground work for her future.  A bright and activist filled future.  

Someday when I have more than 5 seconds to type a post I will go into detail about how we are raising our babby.  Someday... 

Until Next Time

When baby takes over

Holy fuck are we tired.  We are tired.  But not because she screams all night... but because she still has her day and nights mixed up.  So she wants to be awake all night and sleep all day. 

What that means is I have been too tired to really do anything but her care and keeping my house looking like a normal house.  I still need to dust and clean the bathroom, but that can wait until the weekend. 

I haven't been living in a complete box... Donald Trump is running for president!  LOL!  Thank you Republican gods, because that is hilarious.  He is the best thing that could have happened to the Democratic party.  But it's also insanely sad how well he is polling.  I can't help but think people are trolling the pollers, because every time he opens his mouth he spews hatred.  The man said a prisoner of war wasn't a war hero because he got caught.  I mean, seriously?  I hate war and even I am like "wait, what?" 

I hope you all are having a kick ass summer.  We are. 

Until Next Time!

Perspective change

Having a baby changes your perspective.  Having a baby who spends the first two weeks of her life in the Neonatal intensive care unit changes everything about your perspective.  I'm sitting here typing this watching my daughter move around on the couch of the hotel room and I can't help but realize how fundamentally changed I am.

But at the same time, I'm the exact same person.  Isn't that an odd feeling?

I fully believe I have changed since she was born.  I no longer take shit from morons.  I speak my mind in ways I never would have before.  And I find myself fighting for things I never knew I cared that much about before.  Because of her. 

I also accept that while I love her and everything about her, she's not the only thing in my life.  Yes, I have taken longer to type this post than I have other posts... and it may be because she keeps looking at me with her "pick me up papa" eyes and I have no will power against those.  But I am still me. And I like that too. 

I am always find the two camps of parenthood "Nothing changes with a baby" or "everything changes with a baby, and so do you as a person" interesting.  Yes, having a baby is different, but that doesn't mean you as a person are suddenly changed and everything is different.  You can still be you in spite of having a kid.  And that is awesome. 

Life has changed.  There is a little person who deserves all your attention and love.  Life has changed, but I am still me and my partner is still him.  We just have a new compartment inside.  That compartment is called "baby girl" and it's being currently filled by the cutest kid ever.  Which is completely awesome. 

Until Next Time. 

Pride month wrap up

Woah what a Pride month that was!  It's now July and I just realized I didn't do a Pride month wrap up!  So let us begin!

This Pride month we got the biggest thing ever, the US Supreme court confirming our right to be married.  Confirming our right to be treated like every other citizen in the United States of America.  We won.  I am, personally, extremely excited by this bit of news.  Pride after the ruling was nice.

On a more person note, we have a Pride month baby now.  Our daughter is kicking ass and not caring what your name is after.  She's rocking out her NICU and getting ready to be discharged.  We are super excited, but are also having those moments of "Wait, they are just gonna hand her over?!  Are they crazy?!"

But we are as prepared as we can ever be.

And there you have it.. Pride month in a nutshell.


... and in all honesty there could have been a shit ton of other things happening this month, but in reality we've been sequestered in the NICU of a hospital.  World War III could have started and unless it negatively impacted the hospital, we would have never known.  There are no TVs here and we were just cleared to bring our laptops in the last few days.  Sick baby demands all the attention... and she gets it.


I hope you are having an excellent start to your summer and an excellent wrap up to Pride!

Until Next Time.

Love wins

I sit here and find myself amazed.  37 minutes ago, SCOTUS came down with the historic ruling that marriage is for all people.  Marriage is for everyone.  I can get married.

I can get married.

I can fucking get married.

My daughter will be protected under the marriage of her fathers. 

The marriage of her fathers.

Holy fucking shit.

I know this issue is one that is very divisive, but I don't care.  If you are standing on the wrong side of history, you are wrong.  You are so wrong that even the Supreme Court tells you you are wrong.  Please reflect on your wrongness and realize that you are standing for hatred.

But for now, for now we are celebrating for equality.  The march forward, the march towards equality, is one step closer now.  One step closer to being considered just a person, who happens to sleep with the same gender, but more just a person. 

I am a person who can now get married.

In all 50 states.

This is a good pride day.  This is a good pride day.

This is a good day.

This is good.

Until Next Time.

A whole new life

A few days ago our daughter was born.  We traveled hours upon hours and were here when she was born.  We have a pride baby!  How awesome!

There is nothing like seeing your baby right after birth.  To hear that first cry and realize  you had been holding your breath until that happened.  The moment you get the hospital bracelet wrapped around your wrist.  Nothing makes you smile like nurses who scold you for not having your camera ready fast enough and proceed to tell you they will give you tips to get the best pictures.  Nothing compared to that day, watching my daughter being taken care of.

With that also comes the insane amount of worry that comes from having a preemie.  Two steps forward, one step back is the rhythm of the whole unit.   She is doing great, but man are we worried overall.  Seeing her in an isolette is so horrible and makes us feel like we are helpless.  Watching her under the bili lights makes us realize we ARE helpless.  We hate that helpless feeling, but she is being taken care of by some of the best and her nurses have been nothing but amazing.  We are so thankful for their guidance and help throughout this that I'm not sure we'll ever be able to express how thankful we truly are. 

So yeah, right now our lives are attempting to figure out the NICU routine and trying to get our shit together and stop pinching ourselves that we have a baby.  Living out of a hotel room for an undetermined amount of time is hard, but we'll figure it out. 

Hopefully I get some posts written and set to post while we are getting used to baby girl, but if not, just know I've not gone away forever!  I am eagerly awaiting the Supreme Courts decision that should be coming down in the next week, and we are debating if we are going to swing out to the local Pride festival here. 

Life is moving forward insanely quickly, but right now we are the happiest father's that we know. 

Until Next Time.

Father's day

A year ago I wrote a post on father's day.  It is an open letter to all fathers.  I can't think of a better thing to do this father's day than to link to that post.  Go, read.

Dear Dad

Remember that no matter when your child comes out to you, they are still your child. 

Until Next Time.

WE GET IT, YOU'RE GAY.

I am in love with this video.  Take 7 minutes of your life and watch. 



Until Next Time.

I live here

I live here.  I live in the gay community.  I live as part of the statistic of gay youth who were homeless.  I live as part of the gay youth who no longer have a family.  I live here.

I try not to live in the past, and I try really hard to give people the benefit of the doubt, but when a straight person tells me what I am or am not allowed to be upset about it really pisses me off.  I don't speak 100% for the gay community... we are all individuals who are just put together because of who we love, but as part of the gay community I am allowed to have feelings on things and I'll be damned if straight people are going to tell me it's okay. 

I live here.  I fucking live here day in and day out.  I am gay.  I cannot hide that I am gay.  I cannot pretend I am not gay.  I love a man with all that I am, no amount of pretending will change that.  I live this "gay lifestyle" every day of my life.  Please don't tell me what I'm allowed to be upset over. 

I cannot stand this idea that because gay marriage is "settled" (which it's really not) that suddenly there aren't any problems in the gay community, and we are totally accepted.  More than once I've had someone tell me "Well, you all can get married now.  I don't get why you still feel the need to act like you are a minority."  Excuse me? 

How many straight people are kicked off buses for kissing?  How many straight people are the target of crimes where they have homophobic phrases carved into their arm simply because they dare to be different?  How many children must die before we realize there is still a problem?  How many gay youth must attempt suicide before people realize there is a problem?  Gay youth are 4 times more likely to attempt suicide.  1/4 of all trans youth have stated they have attempted suicide in their lifetime.  I attempted suicide.  3 times in my life to be exact. When do people realize that LGBT people have a problem?

Newsflash:

THERE IS A PROBLEM. 

So when a heterosexual person tells me "Well, I think it's okay" I really want to respond "Well if YOU think it's okay, then it MUST be okay!"  but I don't.  My goal is not to alienate people or make enemies... but sometimes I really wonder what people have to be thinking when they open their mouth. 

::I truly love straight allies.  I think they are the best thing since sliced bread, so please don't think I want straight people to not be around or to never speak.  But sometimes it's not about the allies, it's about those of us who live LGBT lives day in and day out.  I live here, I know what is going on in a way you never will.::

I live here.  Please just listen to me sometimes.  I live here. 

Until Next Time.

The elusive gays, out in the wild

"Oh my god!  Look, their gay!" 

The shriek caught me off guard.  Mostly because I was surprised I could hear it.  See, my partner and I were at a ridiculously loud punk concert.  Because we were in the Big City we didn't shy away from acceptable public contact.  His arm around me, my body angled slightly into his arm.  We went to this concert as an early birthday present for him, so his level of comfort in public was all that mattered.

"I just love it when they are out in public!  Hell yeah!"

I just kinda sat there.  My partner, into the show, oblivious to the shrieking.  He can tune that kind of stuff out so easily.  I, however, cannot.

I really felt like turning around and making some snarky comment.  I wouldn't really do that, but sometimes it's fun to think of the response.

:: Tonight on the Discovery channel, elusive gay males.  Look at the natural way that one relaxes into arm of the other one.  Look at the closeness without saying anything.  Smell the gay in the air as they listen to the dulcet tones of a punk band.  A rare citing this is! ::

Thankfully the music picked up again and completed drowned out anyone else!  I'm still not sure I could hear someone talking to me unless they were right next to me.  Which is fine by me, more reason to be extra close to my partner tonight. 

It's so weird to be the object of someone who feels the need to tell me how awesome they find gay people.  "Oh, I just love gay men!  They are the best dressers" (They've never been in my closet... oops).  "The fact they are gay is such a turn on to me, I dunno why, it's so silly" (What?  That is a weird fetish).  "I want a gay best friend!  You all seem so fun!" (Thank you?  I'm not even sure how to deal with that one.)

I appreciate that people are accepting, please don't get me wrong.  I just find it weird to be pointed out like an animal in the zoo.  Just something to think about.

Until Next Time.

A little song today.

Enjoy the music of Rufus today for a little Pride break.  Enjoy enjoy enjoy.

Until Next Time!

Best laid plans

Best laid plans always fall apart.  Isn't that how it goes?

We received a call a few days ago saying baby is trying to make her appearance early.  Everything is going well, but it's boosting our need to get everything done sooner than we intended.  So time for sitting on the computer and writing my heart out for Pride month has taken a back seat to cooking freezer meals and cleaning her bedroom one last time and packing all the stuff we need for a longer than average stay in her home state.  Shit is getting real.

I do have a couple of posts planned that I have started writing and those will get published in the next couple of days.  Now that we have almost everything done I plan to start prioritizing the blog again.  I have so much to say regarding pride and how exciting this pride is turning out to be for us!  So please bear with me as I finally get things back in order! 

How is your Pride month going? 

Until Next Time!

Caitlyn Jenner

I don't have much to day on this topic.  Caitlyn Jenner is living her truth and how awesome is that?  How amazing is it that we live in a day and age where a person can realize their truth and then take the steps needed to finally live that truth. 

Nothing celebrates Pride more than being allowed to live as you see fit, as long as you aren't hurting someone else. 

Celebrate Pride, celebrate living your truth. 

Don't be a wall flower!

So in my quest to find pride topics people want, someone asked me how to not be a wall flower at pride.  I figured that's a good topic to start this whole pride thing off with!

When attending a pride festival, there is so much!  There are a lot of people, there are a lot of booths, so much going on!  I hate people, so I understand the want to just stay to yourself.  I understand not going up to every booth and talking to every person you see, but I really really suggest finding one or two booths and going for it!  Walk up and talk to one person, any person, at a booth.  They are there to interact with everyone, to talk to you about their booth.

Our pride here is a bit smaller than most cities.  We don't have a parade, but we have a ton of booths set up in the middle of town.  Because our pride is booths, you learn that you either have to go talk to people or you look like a gay strolling through town.  I constantly have to just tell myself that those people are there, they are supporter, they are friendlies.

I don't have a magic pill to make you suddenly okay with going out and talking to people, but I do have a suggestion.  Pick 2 booths to visit.  Just two.  Most city prides have an online presence that can let you know what booths will be around and roughly where they will be.  Take some time and do some planning.  I try to pick 2 booths at opposite ends of the pride area.  That is for two reasons.  1) I get to see all the booths there.  2) I get a break in between talking to people.

I get overwhelmed easily and I understand the want of just not.  I really encourage you to give this a try.  You might find yourself getting brave and jumping in to talk to other booths, or you may just be pleased with your two booths.  Either way, get out and enjoy pride for what it is, a celebration of community.

Until Next Time.

There has been a little snafu with the posts not posting for some reason.  Hopefully I fixed that and Pride posts will come out on time and in order... hopefully.

Why Pride?

"If you want to be treated like everyone else, why do you spend so much time pointing out how different you are?" 

I hate that question.  I don't celebrate pride to be "different", no more than someone celebrates Christmas or Eid to be different.  It's just part of who I am, it is a very important part of my selfness.  It's part of my history, of our history, of our struggles and our triumphs.  So yes, I celebrate pride with excitement and fondness.

And it's not about being different, it's about remembering history and celebrating what makes me, well, me.  I celebrate pride because it's a place where I know, no questions asked, I will be accepted.  I celebrate pride because I know every year, when I walk down to the festival there will be at least one person who realizes that life is okay right now because there are thousands of people just like me hanging out together.  I celebrate pride because I know that I will have a blast and meet new people who only accept instead of judge.  It's nice to be accepted, to be welcome, no questions asked. 

So why pride?  Because my whole life I have been rejected for who I am, nothing more.  At Pride, I am not rejected, I am embraced and celebrated.  So yes, June is all about Pride for me.  I attend festivals, I wish others "Happy Pride", I embrace who I am in ways I don't other times of the year. 

Pride is a celebration, and I'm gonna celebrate.

Until Next Time!

2nd Annual PRIDE month postalong

So for the second year in a row I plan to make June's posts all revolve around PRIDE month.  I am gay, no question about that, so Pride month is very important to me.  As a result, Pride is on my mind in June.  So things have been a little quiet around here as I prepare for June.

Do you have any suggestions for blog posts for June?  Just let me know!

Until Next Time!