Sleep is a beautiful thing

Baby girl is making life interesting around here.  In the last few days she has slept maybe 30 minutes at a time and no more than 2 times in a row.  So sleep has been fleeting.  Sleep has been a highly sought after commodity.  So much so that I find myself actually taking napes when I can, and that is unlike me in ever way.  Naps give me headaches.  But not sleeping gives me a bigger headache.

The Pope visited America.  Did you hear about it?  The reality is I've heard nothing but it for the whole time he was here.  I just want to point out to everyone who keeps saying "he's better, he's better than the last guy"... no he's not.  He is still anti LGBT and anti choice.  He very much believes that idiots like Kim Davis are doing God's work.  He believes that the government should not have to do it's job if it goes against their personal beliefs.  And that annoys me so much that it will get it's own post.  Anyway, I am sick of hearing about the Pope.

Speaking of Kim Davis... she's an awful person who needs to do her job.  (There, I made the obligatory gay mention of her.)

Family life is moving along swimmingly.  We still get weird looks and lots of people asking insanely personal questions about the ethnicity of our girl, but it's just what happens here.  We get more dirty looks than not when people realize we are together with a kid, but at least they've stopped saying things.

Breakdown of fun things happening around here:

• My partner has applied for a job he really wants, in another country, doing something he believes in.  I'm okay with that. 
• I have come to love babywearing.  What a weird thing to say, but I own a couple carriers now and I love them and love putting her in them.  It's like an obsession now, to try everything.  
• Our dogs are slowly coming to love baby girl.  They still aren't thrilled they aren't allowed to play with her, but unless she is crying they are cool being in the same room.  
• Baby girl is 100% holding her head up.  She is behind her actual age, but rocking out her adjusted age, so we celebrating that victory.

Until Next Time!

Raising an activist kid

What do you aspire your child to be?  Us?  A happy, well adjusted person.  But while we are raising her, we have something to prove.  

We get a lot of shit about raising a child to be an activist.  Or raising a child without her mother and making her a guinea pig.  Everywhere we go, people want to know how we will raise her like  her mother would raise her.  How can we possibly be enough for her.  The poor darling.

Every day we have to fight to have people recognize that our child is being raised in a wonderful household.  No, she doesn't have a woman living in our house, but that doesn't mean she doesn't have a woman close by who can teach her the secret language of women everywhere.  The family is changing, and children are benefiting from it everywhere.

Along with raising a well adjusted little person, we also hope to raise an activist.  We are not as vocal about activism as we could be, but we hope to raise a child who stands up for what they believe in and fight for what they know to be right.  We are responsible for the future, and that future looks bright.  

So yes, we are raising an activist child.  We are raising our child to fight for what she believes in.  She may be a baby right now, but we are hopefully laying ground work for her future.  A bright and activist filled future.  

Someday when I have more than 5 seconds to type a post I will go into detail about how we are raising our babby.  Someday... 

Until Next Time

Pride month wrap up

Woah what a Pride month that was!  It's now July and I just realized I didn't do a Pride month wrap up!  So let us begin!

This Pride month we got the biggest thing ever, the US Supreme court confirming our right to be married.  Confirming our right to be treated like every other citizen in the United States of America.  We won.  I am, personally, extremely excited by this bit of news.  Pride after the ruling was nice.

On a more person note, we have a Pride month baby now.  Our daughter is kicking ass and not caring what your name is after.  She's rocking out her NICU and getting ready to be discharged.  We are super excited, but are also having those moments of "Wait, they are just gonna hand her over?!  Are they crazy?!"

But we are as prepared as we can ever be.

And there you have it.. Pride month in a nutshell.


... and in all honesty there could have been a shit ton of other things happening this month, but in reality we've been sequestered in the NICU of a hospital.  World War III could have started and unless it negatively impacted the hospital, we would have never known.  There are no TVs here and we were just cleared to bring our laptops in the last few days.  Sick baby demands all the attention... and she gets it.


I hope you are having an excellent start to your summer and an excellent wrap up to Pride!

Until Next Time.

Love wins

I sit here and find myself amazed.  37 minutes ago, SCOTUS came down with the historic ruling that marriage is for all people.  Marriage is for everyone.  I can get married.

I can get married.

I can fucking get married.

My daughter will be protected under the marriage of her fathers. 

The marriage of her fathers.

Holy fucking shit.

I know this issue is one that is very divisive, but I don't care.  If you are standing on the wrong side of history, you are wrong.  You are so wrong that even the Supreme Court tells you you are wrong.  Please reflect on your wrongness and realize that you are standing for hatred.

But for now, for now we are celebrating for equality.  The march forward, the march towards equality, is one step closer now.  One step closer to being considered just a person, who happens to sleep with the same gender, but more just a person. 

I am a person who can now get married.

In all 50 states.

This is a good pride day.  This is a good pride day.

This is a good day.

This is good.

Until Next Time.

A whole new life

A few days ago our daughter was born.  We traveled hours upon hours and were here when she was born.  We have a pride baby!  How awesome!

There is nothing like seeing your baby right after birth.  To hear that first cry and realize  you had been holding your breath until that happened.  The moment you get the hospital bracelet wrapped around your wrist.  Nothing makes you smile like nurses who scold you for not having your camera ready fast enough and proceed to tell you they will give you tips to get the best pictures.  Nothing compared to that day, watching my daughter being taken care of.

With that also comes the insane amount of worry that comes from having a preemie.  Two steps forward, one step back is the rhythm of the whole unit.   She is doing great, but man are we worried overall.  Seeing her in an isolette is so horrible and makes us feel like we are helpless.  Watching her under the bili lights makes us realize we ARE helpless.  We hate that helpless feeling, but she is being taken care of by some of the best and her nurses have been nothing but amazing.  We are so thankful for their guidance and help throughout this that I'm not sure we'll ever be able to express how thankful we truly are. 

So yeah, right now our lives are attempting to figure out the NICU routine and trying to get our shit together and stop pinching ourselves that we have a baby.  Living out of a hotel room for an undetermined amount of time is hard, but we'll figure it out. 

Hopefully I get some posts written and set to post while we are getting used to baby girl, but if not, just know I've not gone away forever!  I am eagerly awaiting the Supreme Courts decision that should be coming down in the next week, and we are debating if we are going to swing out to the local Pride festival here. 

Life is moving forward insanely quickly, but right now we are the happiest father's that we know. 

Until Next Time.

Father's day

A year ago I wrote a post on father's day.  It is an open letter to all fathers.  I can't think of a better thing to do this father's day than to link to that post.  Go, read.

Dear Dad

Remember that no matter when your child comes out to you, they are still your child. 

Until Next Time.

I live here

I live here.  I live in the gay community.  I live as part of the statistic of gay youth who were homeless.  I live as part of the gay youth who no longer have a family.  I live here.

I try not to live in the past, and I try really hard to give people the benefit of the doubt, but when a straight person tells me what I am or am not allowed to be upset about it really pisses me off.  I don't speak 100% for the gay community... we are all individuals who are just put together because of who we love, but as part of the gay community I am allowed to have feelings on things and I'll be damned if straight people are going to tell me it's okay. 

I live here.  I fucking live here day in and day out.  I am gay.  I cannot hide that I am gay.  I cannot pretend I am not gay.  I love a man with all that I am, no amount of pretending will change that.  I live this "gay lifestyle" every day of my life.  Please don't tell me what I'm allowed to be upset over. 

I cannot stand this idea that because gay marriage is "settled" (which it's really not) that suddenly there aren't any problems in the gay community, and we are totally accepted.  More than once I've had someone tell me "Well, you all can get married now.  I don't get why you still feel the need to act like you are a minority."  Excuse me? 

How many straight people are kicked off buses for kissing?  How many straight people are the target of crimes where they have homophobic phrases carved into their arm simply because they dare to be different?  How many children must die before we realize there is still a problem?  How many gay youth must attempt suicide before people realize there is a problem?  Gay youth are 4 times more likely to attempt suicide.  1/4 of all trans youth have stated they have attempted suicide in their lifetime.  I attempted suicide.  3 times in my life to be exact. When do people realize that LGBT people have a problem?

Newsflash:

THERE IS A PROBLEM. 

So when a heterosexual person tells me "Well, I think it's okay" I really want to respond "Well if YOU think it's okay, then it MUST be okay!"  but I don't.  My goal is not to alienate people or make enemies... but sometimes I really wonder what people have to be thinking when they open their mouth. 

::I truly love straight allies.  I think they are the best thing since sliced bread, so please don't think I want straight people to not be around or to never speak.  But sometimes it's not about the allies, it's about those of us who live LGBT lives day in and day out.  I live here, I know what is going on in a way you never will.::

I live here.  Please just listen to me sometimes.  I live here. 

Until Next Time.

The elusive gays, out in the wild

"Oh my god!  Look, their gay!" 

The shriek caught me off guard.  Mostly because I was surprised I could hear it.  See, my partner and I were at a ridiculously loud punk concert.  Because we were in the Big City we didn't shy away from acceptable public contact.  His arm around me, my body angled slightly into his arm.  We went to this concert as an early birthday present for him, so his level of comfort in public was all that mattered.

"I just love it when they are out in public!  Hell yeah!"

I just kinda sat there.  My partner, into the show, oblivious to the shrieking.  He can tune that kind of stuff out so easily.  I, however, cannot.

I really felt like turning around and making some snarky comment.  I wouldn't really do that, but sometimes it's fun to think of the response.

:: Tonight on the Discovery channel, elusive gay males.  Look at the natural way that one relaxes into arm of the other one.  Look at the closeness without saying anything.  Smell the gay in the air as they listen to the dulcet tones of a punk band.  A rare citing this is! ::

Thankfully the music picked up again and completed drowned out anyone else!  I'm still not sure I could hear someone talking to me unless they were right next to me.  Which is fine by me, more reason to be extra close to my partner tonight. 

It's so weird to be the object of someone who feels the need to tell me how awesome they find gay people.  "Oh, I just love gay men!  They are the best dressers" (They've never been in my closet... oops).  "The fact they are gay is such a turn on to me, I dunno why, it's so silly" (What?  That is a weird fetish).  "I want a gay best friend!  You all seem so fun!" (Thank you?  I'm not even sure how to deal with that one.)

I appreciate that people are accepting, please don't get me wrong.  I just find it weird to be pointed out like an animal in the zoo.  Just something to think about.

Until Next Time.

A little song today.

Enjoy the music of Rufus today for a little Pride break.  Enjoy enjoy enjoy.

Until Next Time!

Best laid plans

Best laid plans always fall apart.  Isn't that how it goes?

We received a call a few days ago saying baby is trying to make her appearance early.  Everything is going well, but it's boosting our need to get everything done sooner than we intended.  So time for sitting on the computer and writing my heart out for Pride month has taken a back seat to cooking freezer meals and cleaning her bedroom one last time and packing all the stuff we need for a longer than average stay in her home state.  Shit is getting real.

I do have a couple of posts planned that I have started writing and those will get published in the next couple of days.  Now that we have almost everything done I plan to start prioritizing the blog again.  I have so much to say regarding pride and how exciting this pride is turning out to be for us!  So please bear with me as I finally get things back in order! 

How is your Pride month going? 

Until Next Time!

Caitlyn Jenner

I don't have much to day on this topic.  Caitlyn Jenner is living her truth and how awesome is that?  How amazing is it that we live in a day and age where a person can realize their truth and then take the steps needed to finally live that truth. 

Nothing celebrates Pride more than being allowed to live as you see fit, as long as you aren't hurting someone else. 

Celebrate Pride, celebrate living your truth. 

Don't be a wall flower!

So in my quest to find pride topics people want, someone asked me how to not be a wall flower at pride.  I figured that's a good topic to start this whole pride thing off with!

When attending a pride festival, there is so much!  There are a lot of people, there are a lot of booths, so much going on!  I hate people, so I understand the want to just stay to yourself.  I understand not going up to every booth and talking to every person you see, but I really really suggest finding one or two booths and going for it!  Walk up and talk to one person, any person, at a booth.  They are there to interact with everyone, to talk to you about their booth.

Our pride here is a bit smaller than most cities.  We don't have a parade, but we have a ton of booths set up in the middle of town.  Because our pride is booths, you learn that you either have to go talk to people or you look like a gay strolling through town.  I constantly have to just tell myself that those people are there, they are supporter, they are friendlies.

I don't have a magic pill to make you suddenly okay with going out and talking to people, but I do have a suggestion.  Pick 2 booths to visit.  Just two.  Most city prides have an online presence that can let you know what booths will be around and roughly where they will be.  Take some time and do some planning.  I try to pick 2 booths at opposite ends of the pride area.  That is for two reasons.  1) I get to see all the booths there.  2) I get a break in between talking to people.

I get overwhelmed easily and I understand the want of just not.  I really encourage you to give this a try.  You might find yourself getting brave and jumping in to talk to other booths, or you may just be pleased with your two booths.  Either way, get out and enjoy pride for what it is, a celebration of community.

Until Next Time.

There has been a little snafu with the posts not posting for some reason.  Hopefully I fixed that and Pride posts will come out on time and in order... hopefully.

Why Pride?

"If you want to be treated like everyone else, why do you spend so much time pointing out how different you are?" 

I hate that question.  I don't celebrate pride to be "different", no more than someone celebrates Christmas or Eid to be different.  It's just part of who I am, it is a very important part of my selfness.  It's part of my history, of our history, of our struggles and our triumphs.  So yes, I celebrate pride with excitement and fondness.

And it's not about being different, it's about remembering history and celebrating what makes me, well, me.  I celebrate pride because it's a place where I know, no questions asked, I will be accepted.  I celebrate pride because I know every year, when I walk down to the festival there will be at least one person who realizes that life is okay right now because there are thousands of people just like me hanging out together.  I celebrate pride because I know that I will have a blast and meet new people who only accept instead of judge.  It's nice to be accepted, to be welcome, no questions asked. 

So why pride?  Because my whole life I have been rejected for who I am, nothing more.  At Pride, I am not rejected, I am embraced and celebrated.  So yes, June is all about Pride for me.  I attend festivals, I wish others "Happy Pride", I embrace who I am in ways I don't other times of the year. 

Pride is a celebration, and I'm gonna celebrate.

Until Next Time!

2nd Annual PRIDE month postalong

So for the second year in a row I plan to make June's posts all revolve around PRIDE month.  I am gay, no question about that, so Pride month is very important to me.  As a result, Pride is on my mind in June.  So things have been a little quiet around here as I prepare for June.

Do you have any suggestions for blog posts for June?  Just let me know!

Until Next Time!

Are you gonna make your baby gay?

Once upon a time there was a soon to be dad waiting in line at a big box chain baby store to buy an item on sale with a coupon.  It was early, he chose early on purpose, to avoid the crowds. Apparently everyone else had the same idea as the store was packed.  As he was standing in line, a woman soon to be dad (STBD) worked with came up behind him.  As he knew her, they struck up a conversation.

Granted, STBD hadn't seen this woman in a couple of years but learned that she was having her second child in 2 years and she was super excited.  He was super excited for her!  As the line inched slowly forward, the conversation turned to his pending adoption and the excitement that maybe the third time would be the charm for him and his partner.

And then it happened.

The woman's face scrunched up slightly.  STBD realized that she may not have known he was gay... how, he wasn't sure, but their work place had been at a religious organization so it may just not have come up.  The woman inquired slightly as to "the Partner" in the sentence.  She recovered quickly from her minor face scrunching and congratulated STBD.  But the conversation quickly got awkward.

Then she nailed the coffin shut on the conversation.

"Are you going to make your baby gay?"  She was serious.  "I have read that gay parents are more likely to have gay kids."  It took everything in STBD's power to not react out of anger.

Do people seriously still think that you will turn out exact like your parents?  I mean, my parents are straight, I'm not.  My partner's parents are straight, he's not.  Why is this still a question?  The reality is my sexuality has nothing to do with my future children.  My sexuality is nothing to do with kids.  This idea that homosexuals are out to recruit children is so outdated that it's insulting at this point that people still follow that line of thinking.

 I am not having children to "make them gay".  I am not having children to recruit more into the ebil homosexual lifestyle.  I am having kids for the same reason everyone else has a child, because I want to have a family that includes children.  Pretty plain and simple.

Now, that said, my partner and I ARE gay.  And pretty damn proud of it.  So our "lifestyle" will not be hidden from our children.  We will be out and proud with our daughter (and future daughters or sons, whatever we may get) and she will know that her dads both love her.  She will attend pride parades with us, she will not be shied away from the fact that her dads are gay.  Chances are she will be exposed to more gay people than "normal", but simply because we find strength in numbers.

But no matter how many pride parades we take her too, or how many gay friends we have, we will have no influence on her sexuality.  You either are, or aren't.  No amount of parental influence or shunning has turned me straight and the same is true for our future children.  No amount of our influence will turn our, or your, children gay.


However, I don't think we'll be hanging out at new parent things any time soon.

Until Next Time.

The decision is in the courts hands

Today oral arguments for Same Sex Marriage are being heard by the Supreme Court.  and I'm nervous. 

I can't imagine the courts siding against marriage for all, but do you realize how much power is in the hands of a court that is not known for it's progressive rulings?  I am terrified that the courts will side conservatively, as they have been known to do, in order to say "well we weren't sure, and this will give us more time".  Or that they won't rule at all.

I think THIS article from USA Today breaks down a lot of the questions about what is happening today and what is being argued for.

NPR also offers a very thorough article here that has a lot of explanation.

Freedom to Marry has also started a far reaching twitter campaign.  #lovemustwin They also have an article up hitting closer to the emotional side of the marriage debate.  Found here

I am excited to see the courts take up the case, and I cannot wait until June when decisions come down.  My future is directly impacted by this ruling.  My future is directly impacted by a judge sitting in a robe making decisions.  My future is rather insecure right now and that is not a great feeling.

Until Next Time.

I don't want your pity...

I want to be treated like a human being.

So right now there is a blog post by some random Christian going around that has a graphic about how if you are FORCED to bake a gay person a cake, you should bake them two.  It's based on Matthew 5:41, which reads "And whosoever shall compel thee to go a mile, go with him twain."  Which basically means if you are forced, not of your free will, to not only walk them one mile, walk them two.  Because you should embrace the trials you have forced upon you by those evil sinners and go above and beyond!

Are you fucking kidding me?!

This martyr complex some people have going for them right now is getting really old.  If you don't want to bake a cake for a gay wedding no one is forcing you.  Sure as hell aren't forcing you to bake two so you can be a saint amongst sinners.  You can decline service to anyone you want, but keep your God to yourself.  Merely say no and move on.  

Is it that difficult to just say no?  

I get so frustrated when people want to treat gays like second class citizens, but I get even more frustrated when people want to pretend to do good so their god will like them better and they can rub it in everyone's face.  Want to know what Jesus said about showing off how Christian you are?  

"And when thou prayest, thou shalt not be as the hypocrites are: for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and in the corners of the streets, that they may be seen of men. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward."  Matthew 6:5

So how about you stop trying to show off how awesome you are and just live your life.  Just think how awesome the world would be if everyone would just live their life and stop trying to police what two consenting adults choose to do in their bedroom.

So I don't want your pity, I just want to live my life with my partner, happily ever after.

Until Next Time.

30, queer, in school

So I was asked to write an op ed piece for a queer journal at the school about being "30, in school, and queer".  Apparently that is a "challenging yet aspiring combination".

Uhm what?

I'm 30, not dead.  I'm in school to learn.  I'm queer because my partner is a hottie.

But I'm pretty sure that won't suffice for the 125-175 word article.

So here I sit, on the blog, trying to work out the words that will make an impact, yet not sound cliche and stupid.  Isn't that the fear of every writer?  To sound cliche and stupid is worse than death in some circles.

So I guess my thing is I am 30, but I am still going strong.  Yeah, it has taken me a bit to get my shit together so go to school.  Honestly, I wouldn't be here if it was for my partner telling me that it was time.  School has always been daunting for me.  Yeah, I'm smart, but that doesn't always translate into schooling well.  I'm also dyslexic and despise not understanding something.  Math has brought me to tears more times than I care to remember.  But I digress.  School is important.  So I came back.  Technically I started back in school when I was 27, but ended up taking a couple semesters off because of adoption situations that fell through.  So yeah, it's taken me three years to reach junior status, but I'm here.

As for being queer and back in school, it is what it is.  I have no real feelings that being queer has done anything for to me in regards to learning.  Yeah, some pathways are a bit more difficult because of shit that's happened in the past, but it hasn't stopped me.  It can't stop you.  Being queer doesn't mean you can't learn or are unemployable or anything like that.  Being queer is just one aspect of a complete person.... I am not a queer who happens to be a person, I am a person who happens to be a queer.  I'm not sure why being queer is part of this equation.

As for school.  Do what makes you happy.  Some people don't want to go to school, that's cool.  Some people want to go and that's cool too.  Whatever makes you happy is what you should be doing, nothing less.

So there you go.  I'm 30, queer, and in school and that's how I feel about it.  Now to polish that and submit it.

Until Next Time.

Stop telling me what not to say!

Nothing raises my hackles more than someone telling me not to say something.  Especially when that thing I'm saying has nothing what so ever to do with them. 

"I could've rocked the spot
Instead of being just another faggot like I am
I played that shit straight"

~MSI Faggot

I call myself a faggot quite often.  I refer to myself and my partner as "two faggots playing house" on a regular basis.  I don't claim to be a saint.  I typically swear like a sailor and make no apologies.  I despise being told that a word is "naughty" and I shouldn't use it.  Of course, there are exceptions.  I won't say the N word, or call a person the R word.  I find those two words disgusting... but I wouldn't dream of telling a black person they can't use the N word, or telling someone with mental deficiencies that they cannot call themselves the R word.   And there is where the difference is between myself and people out there who want to police words. 

I am gay.  I make no apologies for this fact.  My whole life I listened to people call gay men faggots and sissies and all manners of names.  As a child I cowered to think someone would call me that when I grew up.  Then I realized that if I called myself a faggot, someone else calling me this hurt a hell of a lot less.  Sure, maybe not the best way to cope with such a thing, but fuck you, it's what worked.  Starting at about 13, I identified as a faggot and that word lost it's power.

As life moves on and people feel it's okay to say shit to people in public, I've learned other things I needed to own to remove it's power.  "Sissy" is one of those words.  I am not a sissy, but dammit I will call myself that to deal with certain things.  I hate spiders, totally have irrational fear.  So I am a spider sissy.  I own that.  Fudge packer is another one that surprisingly I despised and now own.  The "two faggots playing house" comes from an actual insult we received here, in our home town.  How's that for a fun and warm welcome?!  So now I own that phrase.  My partner and I are two faggots who play house.. we own a house, and hopefully soon we will have children and all that bullshit. 

So if you haven't caught on, I own these "insults" because it's empowering for me.  I own the words and fuck you for saying I shouldn't say that.  It really gets my goat when straight people tell me not to say that.  Puh-lease, YOU can't say that word, I can.  You can't call me a faggot and me not say something.  But I am allowed to call myself what I want.  I am a faggot and pretty damn proud of that!

So please stop telling me what I can and cannot say.  It makes you look like an idiot.  Stop telling me I cannot call myself such an "insult".  Just stop.  You worry about your word choices and stop attacking the people you are supposedly "allied" with.  Because when you start policing the words within the community, you are silencing my voice.  You are silencing the voices of faggots everywhere.  And that is not okay.  Take your straight privilege and shove it up your ass, because you are no longer welcomed in my community. 

Until Next Time.

Look up

Look up young child, the world will improve.  

Things will ease, your life won't always be hard.

Look up child, you will soon find your groove.

Things will change for you, because you matter.

Sometimes it seems like the snow is always falling.  Yes, some people love snow, but sometimes the snow is so much more.

It seems like no matter what, life is always going to be hard.  Two steps forward, one step backwards.  It seems like life as we know it is being thwarted at every turn.  And that makes it hard to keep our heads up.  Makes it hard to keep getting up every morning. 

As the sun raises on another snowy day, I can't help but drawing comparisons to how life feels right now.  I currently live in a state that doesn't allow marriage for me.  It doesn't allow marriage because some people find what I do in the bedroom "icky".  Or that it some how invalidates their love.  How can love downgrade love?  That is something I can't understand.

I don't know the point of this other than to say that it does get better.  At the end of the every snow storm is the sun.  No, snow doesn't get rainbows typically, but that doesn't make them any less beautiful.  Today I choose to look for the sun at the end of the storm. 

Until Next Time.