Patience is a virtue...

And other asinine things your parents say when they want you to wait.

See that kid in the middle?  That's me.

I was never a very patient person.  My mother tried, oh how she tried.  She used to tell me I had the disease that inflicted my father's side of the family.  She called it, lovingly I'm sure, the Go-Go disease.  Never sit still, never stay home, just GO GO GO!

This played out remarkably around the holiday season.  I remember being a young kid around Christmas time.  I used to pester her and pester her "When is Santa coming?"  I'd ask over and over and over again.  I typically started asking right after we put up the tree, which was the Friday after Thanksgiving.  She always calmly explained that Santa would be there in however many days.  That was never good enough for me however, as my questions never got any less.  So one year, my mother got smart.  She bought an Advent calendar.  You know, those little calendars that have chocolates or some other candy in the windows, and every day you open one window and ate the candy.  This way there was a visual to how many days before Santa came.  She was so proud of herself.

How did this Advent story end?  Was I more patient having a visual reminder?  Oh God no.  See, she explained to me how this worked "Now Hawk, you can see how many more days we have till Christmas.  Each day will be one less, and we'll eat a piece of candy!"  I hated to shit on her parade, but I was like 6, so I did.  One night, when she kept referring to that damn calendar, I had had enough.  So while everyone was sleeping, I crept down to the living room.  I would show her and her stupid calendar how many more days till Christmas.  I reached the coveted calendar and ate the damn chocolate in the windows.  All of the windows, but one.  I made sure, however, to close each window up so she wouldn't know immediately.

The next morning, we were going about our usual daily stuffs when I asked the inevitable question, "Mom, how many more days till Santa comes?"  She smugly walked over to the Advent calendar and pulled it down.  She asked me to open day 5, so I did.  "There's no chocolate," oh I had innocence down pat.  She looked in the calendar and got quite a quizzical look to her face.  She proceeded to open each day until the 25th.  That one still had chocolate.  As I claimed my prize, I triumphantly screamed "IT'S SANTA DAY!!!!!" and ran around the house. 

I'll never forget the moment my mother realized I had defeated her.  Sure, I had a belly ache from all the candy, but dammit, I won.  We never had a stupid Advent calendar after that.  She would just constantly answer my questions.

Now as an adult, I'd like to say I'm more patient.  In reality, however, I am still that young child affected with the Go-Go disease.  Just ask anyone who knows me, sitting still is not my strongest skill. I try, I really do.  All grown ups are patient... everyone keeps telling me this.  I suppose this is part of my Peter Pan affliction... I will never grow up!


photo credit: Abdulmajeed Al.mutawee || twitter.com/almutawee via photopin cc