Why are you so argumentative?

I feel like sometimes the simplest questions can create the need for complex answers.  I was asked just the other day why I was "so argumentative".  It took me a moment to figure out what the person doing the asking was talking about... and then it hit me.  They are talking about the fact that I don't agree with them and instead of letting it drop while they spout their beliefs, I questioned them.  Thus I'm argumentative.

I sit here now debating if I even want to try to explain this or just let it go.  I am not an argumentative person, I am merely trying to understand your beliefs.... and the only context I have to understand you is through my own experiences.  I cannot experience something that you have, but I can compare it to similar things I have experienced.  Of course you don't think they have anything to do with one another, but that is because your experiences are worse to you than mine are to you, but mine are worse to me than they are to you.  Make sense?

No of course not!  Because trying to understand life in the way you live it is complicated, complex.  Life is complicated and complex.  Understanding, trying to empathize with someone, is often done through the lens of your own experiences.  And that is okay.  When someone tries to compare your experiences to their own, they aren't necessarily trying to belittle your issues.  They are merely trying to find the best way to empathize, to show a sense of understanding and camaraderie to you and your experiences.

And that is exactly what I am trying to do when I "argue" with you.  I am trying to understand your beliefs as they compare to my own.  I am trying to understand your way of thinking within the only context I can.  I can't magically have your experiences or see life through your eyes.  I only have what I have and that is what I'm working with.  And just because I am asking questions and challenge what you say doesn't mean I don't agree with you.  I am still trying to understand it through my lens... and that has nothing to do with my agreement with you at all.

I hate being told I'm argumentative because I don't immediately come over to the other side or I ask questions.  Sometimes I'm just trying to understand... and you should too.

Until Next Time.

The decision is in the courts hands

Today oral arguments for Same Sex Marriage are being heard by the Supreme Court.  and I'm nervous. 

I can't imagine the courts siding against marriage for all, but do you realize how much power is in the hands of a court that is not known for it's progressive rulings?  I am terrified that the courts will side conservatively, as they have been known to do, in order to say "well we weren't sure, and this will give us more time".  Or that they won't rule at all.

I think THIS article from USA Today breaks down a lot of the questions about what is happening today and what is being argued for.

NPR also offers a very thorough article here that has a lot of explanation.

Freedom to Marry has also started a far reaching twitter campaign.  #lovemustwin They also have an article up hitting closer to the emotional side of the marriage debate.  Found here

I am excited to see the courts take up the case, and I cannot wait until June when decisions come down.  My future is directly impacted by this ruling.  My future is directly impacted by a judge sitting in a robe making decisions.  My future is rather insecure right now and that is not a great feeling.

Until Next Time.

Finals

I feel like I don't have to explain much about my absence other than to say "finals".  Seriously, I have a week left of instruction and then finals.  I have been busting my ass to get everything I need to get done, done.  Which let me tell you, is too much. 

So that said, give me a bit longer and hopefully we'll get back to regularly scheduled posts about how boring I am. 

Until Next Time!

Nothing exciting here

Man has life been ever boring lately.  Seriously, life is moving on day to day and I just can't muster the idea of writing how boring shit has been lately.

Wake up, shower, go to school, learn shit, come home, cook shit, go to bed. Rinse, repeat.  Every. Fucking. Day.

how boring is that? 

that's what I thought.  Pretty damn boring. 

Today I cleaned the kitchen.  Well, I cleaned some of the kitchen.  I put back together the pantry and finished cleaning the canning cabinet.  Last load of dishes is running and tomorrow I plan to give the whole bottom floor a good scrubbing.  Then I hope to start upstairs next weekend.  The highlight of my life right now is cleaning.  I'm so sorry.

Anyway, that's my boring life right now.  What's happening in your world?

Until Next Time!

One year ago today

One year ago today I opened a blog.  How exciting!  Over the course of the year, I've written 123 posts (which is also pretty cool, BTW).  I've had an average of 15 visitors daily... not very many but that's exciting that there is at least one person who is reading regularly!

My most popular posts:

Father's day letter

Shhh it's a secret!

I don't have statistics on search words and such like that, not enough people find my blog on their own.  But occasionally someone will be directed here through google, which is fun!

This blog has also changed it's original focus.  I was going to make this a blog with my writing work, originally, but you know what my least read posts are?  My ones where I share my creative writing.  I still share it, occasionally, but it's no longer the focus of this whole crazy thing. 

Here's to another year.  This next one is looking to be even more exciting!

Until Next Time!

Why does he have a better notebook than me?!

First, can I share a little linguistically/English awesomeness I learned recently from a friend?  When you use this punctuation, ?!, it is call an interrobang.  How cool is that?  It basically symbolizes a question asked excitedly.  And it's more than appropriate for the post title.

As a writer, I covet notebooks.  I have more than I probably should, but I really really like them.  I am an "old fashioned" writer.  Basically I write mostly by hand, then transfer it to the computer later.  I love sitting down with a good pen and a beautiful notebook and taking my time to craft beautiful words on paper.  There is just something magically about that. 

So when I noticed that my partner had a better, prettier notebook than I did, I was aghast!  How could he have a better, prettier notebook than me?! (<~~ See, proper use of an interrobang.)  When I asked him, he just shrugged.  He uses his notebook to just keep a few things about work written down.  He uses it sparingly and no more than a couple words a page.  And that just makes me sad.  His notebook is absolutely beautiful and it's used for one or two words a page. 

I have decided, and my Partner completely is behind me, that I am going to go buy some beautiful new notebooks for myself.  I need that beauty to be able to actually sit down and write.  I need to make sure I am surrounded by lovely things so I can write lovely.  Even my dystopian novels need to start by me being surrounded by good things.  I will send out pictures as soon as I find something that inspires me.

What is your writing inspiration?  Do you use a notebook or are you a computer all the way person?

Until Next Time!

blogging updates

So I'm fucking around with the blog today.  I will hopefully have a proper blog for you guys later, but right now I'm just changing colors and all that jazz.  Feel free to drop a comment if you see something you like, or don't like, I'd love to hear from you!

Until Next Time!

I don't want your pity...

I want to be treated like a human being.

So right now there is a blog post by some random Christian going around that has a graphic about how if you are FORCED to bake a gay person a cake, you should bake them two.  It's based on Matthew 5:41, which reads "And whosoever shall compel thee to go a mile, go with him twain."  Which basically means if you are forced, not of your free will, to not only walk them one mile, walk them two.  Because you should embrace the trials you have forced upon you by those evil sinners and go above and beyond!

Are you fucking kidding me?!

This martyr complex some people have going for them right now is getting really old.  If you don't want to bake a cake for a gay wedding no one is forcing you.  Sure as hell aren't forcing you to bake two so you can be a saint amongst sinners.  You can decline service to anyone you want, but keep your God to yourself.  Merely say no and move on.  

Is it that difficult to just say no?  

I get so frustrated when people want to treat gays like second class citizens, but I get even more frustrated when people want to pretend to do good so their god will like them better and they can rub it in everyone's face.  Want to know what Jesus said about showing off how Christian you are?  

"And when thou prayest, thou shalt not be as the hypocrites are: for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and in the corners of the streets, that they may be seen of men. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward."  Matthew 6:5

So how about you stop trying to show off how awesome you are and just live your life.  Just think how awesome the world would be if everyone would just live their life and stop trying to police what two consenting adults choose to do in their bedroom.

So I don't want your pity, I just want to live my life with my partner, happily ever after.

Until Next Time.

invisible

Every so often I get a small glimpse of being invisible.  I see all my friends planning a get together, or everyone rallying behind someone who is doing something that I have been doing that no one seemed to care about, or someone starts encouraging someone in a way that I wish they would have encouraged me.  It's in those moments I realize I have achieved what I thought was my life long goal of having everyone forget about me.

And then I realize that now that I have achieved this invisibility, I'm not so sure I want it anymore.  Or maybe it's because I'm having an overly emotional week.  Or maybe that I have what I want it's time to find a new goal.  I don't know, but tonight I am feeling raw and fragile and completely alone.

I firmly  understand that some of these feeling are rooted in jealousy.  I am insanely jealous that I am not a forethought in any one's mind.  I am merely their after thought... "Oh, do you think we should invite Hawk?  I mean, we need another person to drive"... yeah that's who I am to most everyone I know.  A stable friend who "doesn't mind" not being invited or that friend who "understands" that the friends are excited for me, but they don't have time to really let me know... or any number of other things that basically come down to "well we know Hawk will still be there, it's cool if we completely ignore everything he does.  He won't mind".  And for the most part, I don't.  I honestly don't.  But on this week, at this moment, I am jealous.

But I am also paranoid.  When  you are ignored constantly you begin to wonder if these people are really your friends or if they are humoring you.  How is that for conflicting emotions... "I don't care, but maybe they don't really like me!"  Hah.  Welcome to my life.

I am having a rough week as we work through changes and prepare for a different kind of month.  Things will settle down and I'll go back to being okay knowing that other people are more than I will ever be, and that's okay.  I will go back to being okay with being invisible.  But tonight, I just had to get it out there... sometimes it sucks knowing you are looked over constantly. 

Yet what sucks more is knowing that I did this to myself. 

Until Next Time.

First thunderstorm

So to keep up with my boring life, and by default my boring phobias, we are having our first thunderstorm of the season.  Words are being thrown around by our weathermen like "Squall line" and "nickel sized hail".  Weather alerts are also being tossed out by the NWS.  Not the best way to live on a Thursday.  I am terrified of Thunderstorms, always have been.  So today is not great.

It didn't start out great either, now that I think about it.  Math was fine this morning, and I had a small snack for breakfast after class.  Then it started raining and I went on and headed across campus to my second class and that is where the crap started.  It was thundering, of course, and some asshole ran through a puddle at 100 miles an hour, splashing all us students on the sidewalk.  I was drenched in mud and rain and cold and it was STILL raining and thundering.  Yeah, I skipping second class and came home.  I am not sitting in class covered in yuck.

Now I'm sitting in my living room, pantsless of course, waiting for my partner to get home.  Tonight we are going to get me a better rain jacket.  My poncho is nice and all, but it's ripped to hell and just not great.  Hopefully he'll treat me to a night out as well, but I'm not holding my breath.  We went out last night and it was a complete failure.  Awful food, not amazing service, so so pie... we need a redo!

That's all I got today.  Pantless, in a storm. 

Until Next Time!