Death Becomes Him

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This weekend was met with heartache in our family.  My Partner's grandfather died after a lengthy, but always losing, battle with Alzheimer's disease.  This man was the patriarch of a very spread out family, and according to my partner had been gone a long long time.

I never got to meet the man, but I heard many stories.  By the time the Partner and I became an official couple, his memory was already so bad that he was getting angry at being so confused.  My MIL didn't think it a good idea that we introduce anyone new to Grandfather's life.  I know my Partner wanted me to meet him many times, because from what I've heard, the man was pretty damn awesome.

The little I do know about him, from stories I've heard, Grandfather was a take no gruff kinda guy.  He never laid a hand on anyone (didn't even believe in spankings or anything), but he would tell it like it was.  My MIL often times would say "Oh, Partner, you are just like Grandfather.  Please behave!"  I would have loved to see the two of them in action together, cause apparently they would stir up quite a hoot.

So much has changed in our lives in the last few years that death was not one we expected.  This is only made more complicated because Grandfather's second wife has dementia and is not taking his death well.  She is insistent that Hospice is hiding him, and no matter who explains to her that Hospice wouldn't do that, she won't listen.  She has actually called my Partner once and demanded that he return Grandfather's brain to his body at once.  It's just a sad situation all around.

Alzheimer's is an angry disease and I feel it's only appropriate to be angry back at it.  This is a disease that steals a person's memory, the only thing that may continue to bring them joy as their body deteriorates.  People like Grandfather, people who have bodies that aren't falling apart, I feel are even worse off from Alzheimer's because the only thing killing them is their mind.  And for that, I am angry and so is my partner.  He is really angry that the man he looked up to for so many years, in the end, had no clue who he was.  Had no clue that as a boy, the Partner would spend hours playing with Grandfather.  Grandfather had no clue about anything they would do, and I think that is what is hurting my Partner more than anything else.

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But my Partner is doing okay, just unsure how to navigate talking to his mom and then to his Grandma-maw.  Death is not something he's had a whole lot of experience with and I think it freaks him out a little.  Unfortunately, I've dealt with a lot of death, and I'm trying to gently guide him as best I can, but some things you just have to experience for yourself.  I just hate seeing him sad, for any reason, and the fact that there will be no funeral or memorial service seems to be keeping him from finding a little closure to the whole situation.

I keep reminding myself that life has trials, life has ups and it has downs, and we just have to hang on for the ride.  This is, however, one roller coaster I could have done without. 

Until next time.