Perfect syndrome

Oh how I wish this was my bedroom room...

I read a lot of blogs.  I mean, a lot of blogs.  And one thing I have noticed over the years is everyone likes to put their best picture forward.  Even blogs that talk about "keeping it real" probably scrub down their houses before showing you a picture. I find no fault with them, heavens know that I wouldn't show you my house 90% of the time.

But I find the parallels between people showing you their best with how I write and who reads what to be eerily scary.  I realized this the a while ago when my Partner asked me to read what I've written so far on the novel.  I gave him that look and went "you want to WHAT?" in a pitch that was probably way too high.  He gave up relatively quickly, realizing that he had hit a nerve.

Why did I react that way?  that question has haunted me since it happened (and I could breathe again!).  He just wanted to read a novel that he has been very helpful to me with.   So I sat down and tried to come up with a reason.  Which of course lead me to go blog surfing, because who wants to deal with WHY they do something?

Then it hit me: I don't want to show people my dirty room.  I need to scrub every imperfection away before I can show anyone.  How in the hell can I justify putting out something less than my best and want anyone to read it?  I mean, I read other people's first drafts and second drafts and don't think twice about it, but no one wants to read my first or second drafts.  I promise, they are awful.

From that thought process came the idea to make sure I don't obsess over the finished product while blogging.  This blog is a bit of a relaxed atmosphere for me, as I don't worry about changing each post 100 times before I post it.  And you know what?  It's made me feel 100 times better.  And so, this whole post to tell you that you may read things here sometimes and go "why that's not polished at all!".  It's okay, I know!  I'm sharing my not so polished room with you.  It's okay neat, kinda lived in, but it's mine and mine alone.



photo credit: marcp_dmoz via photopin cc